The World We Live In
by MentalAlchemist
Summary: Tess Cortez works as a physician in an Atlanta hospital when the unimaginable happens. Separated from her loved ones, she is forced to find a way to survive in this new world overrun by the walking dead. She needs help but is she ready to accept it? S3/4 AU Rated T for now. Eventual OC/Daryl pairing. Hope you like it!
1. Chapter 1

She stood there, ghostlike, as people ran past her. It was complete chaos around her.

She just stood there, searching for something to hold onto. Something to help her understand. She looked at the blur of faces in front of her as if expecting to find someone that could tell her what to do next. But everyone was just afraid. They too were struggling to find some kind of sanity in these last moments of life as they knew it.

_Could this really be happening_? She thought to herself. _Maybe if I close my eyes, maybe it will all go back to normal_. But when she opened her eyes again all she saw was a fuzzier version of the chaos. Tears ran down her face and stung her back to reality. Her breath caught in her throat. _This was it._ She would either give up now, and give in to the immense pressure she felt in that moment, or, take whatever strength she had left in her and run…. _Teresa. Run_.

"Tess run! For God's sake don't just stand there. Lets go!"

So that's what she did. Run. The voice she followed was coming from her currently more capable friend, Ryan. She loved that guy. He always seemed so ready for whatever shit was going down. Nothing was too bizarre to stump him. That's what made him such a great physician. Although Tess was one too she was struggling with the present issue. Ryan was a good friend and she felt so grateful to have him at that moment.

If it were just like any other day, work at the hospital would be done in an hour. After today, she would be headed on a much-needed trip to Aruba. She really needed that vacation. After putting in long hours at work, week after week, she and her boyfriend, Mike, both knew this would give them some quality time together. They could finally focus on each other. He was even able to get off from work early and should already be at the airport making sure everything was in order for the trip. He was a good boyfriend like that.

_But Mike…He'll be waiting for me_. Ryan began to tug at her white coat to hurry her out of the hospital. "Tess lets just get to a safe place and we will talk. We need to get off the streets. Didn't you hear what Dr. O'Connell said? There's nothing we can do right now. We will be attacked if we don't leave and hide now".

How did the shit hit the fan so suddenly? The hospital knew of this "plague" finally arriving stateside but they didn't expect it to be so gruesome and hopeless. As soon as one patient presented with symptoms, everything went haywire. Tess had no words for what was happening. All she knew was that she was of no use at the hospital. She couldn't 'treat' was happening. She had to protect herself for now.

So they ran. Ryan was smart enough to remember to grab some emergency kits for each of them in case they needed it. She was really embarrassing herself now. She couldn't even think. Now was the time to find the strength to make it through what was happening, she owed it to Ryan at least. Who knows how long they'd depend on each other? Right now it seemed pretty one sided. She took a big breath and tried to focus. Where would they hide? They needed food and water at least to make it through the night. They ran a couple blocks to a convenience store that already looked in bad shape. They managed to find a couple gallons of water. She noticed the lighters at the register and quickly pocketed a few.

Tess stopped Ryan before they stepped back out, "I think we can make it back to my place. Its about 5 minutes from here. That way" He nodded for her to lead the way.

They managed to make it back to her place; a small one bedroom in a medium sized apartment complex. She still hadn't made the move to live with Mike but his stuff was littered throughout the place since they alternated staying over at each other's place. Tess tried swallowing the lump in her throat. She had to get in touch with Mike to see if he was ok.

Ryan pushed a table and dresser in front of the door while Tess ran to her room to get out of her scrubs and into some jeans and a tee. He grabbed some of Mike's things in case Ryan wanted to change too. His place was in downtown Atlanta, about a 20 minute drive from their hospital in the outskirts of the city. It was probably even more chaotic there.

They finally took a seat on the couch and Tess grabbed the remote to check if any of the channels were still working. The news coming out of the D.C. area was reporting just what they had witnessed and to take this emergency seriously if their area had not been affected yet. It seemed like the cities were the first to go, especially on the eastern seaboard. Whatever this plague was, it came from overseas and was quickly spreading. Images of the National Guard setting up stations and the Presidents national address were replaying.

Tess got up to head to the kitchen and something caught her eye. She saw the blinking light of the answering machine.

She had 6 new messages. Tess was one the few people still left with a landline. She had a cell but rarely used it for more than texting. After long shifts at work, she preferred dealing with phone calls back home when she had the time to talk. The first few messages were benign. Her friends were calling to wish her a safe and fun trip and to call back when she had the chance.

The next messages made her gut tighten as she realized that her parents and siblings were also probably in trouble back home in Massachusetts. Her parents were also wishing her a safe trip and mentioned the reports coming out of NY. They didn't seem too concerned. Because of Tess' nagging, in case anything happened, they were prepared to stay indoors with extra food and supplies. Her two brothers were also going to stay with their parents in case anything happened in Mass. At least she knew where they were. But the call was from this morning almost 10 hours ago and she was too scared to think anything could have come up since then. Before listening to the next message, she quickly dialed her parent's number. It kept ringing but even the voicemail wouldn't pick up. She hung up but tried holding onto the thought that they said they were still safe. She had two more messages.

The next one was from Mike again. It was from around noon and he was leaving work. Things seemed ok still but he also mentioned something about the radio reporting strange things happening in NY. He'd see her in about 5 hours then he hung up. The next one was also from Mike… but it was from about an hour ago. "Hey babe". He sounded more tense this time "Give me a call as soon as you hear this. Your cell is off, again. Listen, I'm seeing these reports about what's happening in NY and its been showing up in other cities. It most likely will happen in Atlanta too. They might just cancel our flight. I'm gonna stay here for about another hour and if I don't get a call from you, I'll take a cab to your place and wait for you there. We can always take a later flight and I'm worried about you. This looks pretty serious. Tess, sometimes I wonder why you even have a phone. I'm gonna call again in a bit but please just wait for me at your place. I love…" Then the phone cut off with a beep. Tess realized she was holding her breath that entire time and she immediately picked up the phone and dialed Mike's number. It rang and rang and finally to her relief, he picked up.

"Tess, thank God. Where are you?" He sounded winded as if he was running. Tess couldn't help but start sobbing as she tried to answer him. "I'm home. Ryan is with me. Michael, it's here, everywhere. We had to get out of the hospital. We ran back. Where are you Michael?" Ryan had made his way over to her and had his arm around her trying to keep her calm. "I'm on my way to you. Everything happened real fast after I called. I made it half way to your place in a cab before the guy kicked me out and said he needed to make it back to his own family. I'm on my way there. Don't move".

"But what if something happens and I have to leave? I can't come find you?"

"Don't come find me. Do what you need to do to stay safe but I'm heading there ok? I love you Tess." Tess was shaking. She didn't want to hang up until he got here "Listen to me Tess, don't let anyone in. Stay with Ryan in the apartment. I'll be there soon" Then the call ended.

"Michael? I love you too. Michael can you hear me? Michael!?" He hung up.

She dropped the phone and collapsed into Ryan's arms. She couldn't contain herself anymore. She was so scared for him and felt so useless. She thought she could fix anything but she seemed more of a burden now than ever. Mike had to get there soon. She couldn't help but think what might happen if he didn't. Ryan hugged her while the sound of her muffled cries filled the room and all that could be heard outside were the heartbreaking screams of a world turning inside out.


	2. Chapter 2

Ch2

It had been over a month since the world they lived in was turned inside out. This was their new reality

Tess and Ryan were still surviving together. They had long since left her apartment; although convincing Tess to finally leave without Mike was not easy.

He never made it back to her place.

The next few days were sleepless. The days and nights were filled with the sounds of bombs being dropped in downtown Atlanta. Flashes of orange and red and the smell of death engulfed Tess' apartment. Ryan was getting worried about how much longer they'd be safe for. He knew she wouldn't leave without Mike. She was so sure he'd show up soon after hanging up on her. He was too. But he never came, no one did.

It seemed that everyone else knew enough to get away from the city. Ryan knew it too but he couldn't find it in him to pull Tess out of there just yet. To be honest, he also had a hard time leaving the comfort of something familiar. But they had to get away…very soon.

Ryan was finally able to get her out after almost a week, although it was with her practically kicking and screaming. Tess managed to leave some food and water along with a note for Mike in case he made it there and they were gone. She wrote down a couple spots they figured stood the best chance of being a safe zone for survivors. Hopefully, Tess and Ryan would make it to one of them and Mike could find his way there. Tess was not going to just leave him. She was gonna make sure he had something to follow. She knew she had to leave too but it just tore her heart to shreds to finally make that choice. If Ryan wasn't with her, she'd have stayed and died there waiting. But he needed her just like she needed him.

Broadcasts on tv lasted about two days then it went dead. On the first day, she even managed to get a quick call from her family. They mentioned all being together and safe so far at her parent's house. Tess would try and find a way to them although she didn't know how long it would take. They quickly said their _I love you's_ and the call was dropped. All communications ended and that realization hit them both hard.

Ryan was an only child whose parents had died some years ago. He was also single and in a weird way, Tess envied all that. She figured it made it easier to cope with what was going on. Not having attachments seemed like the safest thing right now.

After heading to the CDC turned out to be a dead end (there was smoke still rising from what looked like an explosion where the building once stood), they agreed to head southwest on 85 towards Fort Benning. Ryan had cousins in that area that might be able to help if they were still there. They were _survivalists _and were prepared for an armageddon that they were convinced could happen at any time. He was never so thankful for those nut jobs as he was now. They mentioned some kind of bunker they built on their farm and if they were still alive, they'd most likely still be there. It was the best shot Tess and Ryan had at having some kind of shelter. Living from abandoned home to home was exhausting and in the course of 5 weeks, they had lost so much weight from stress and lack of food, they needed to find a place to stay put. Plan B was to head towards 95 and follow it north to DC, where the last broadcasts were coming from.

Over the last couple months, Tess and Ryan were able to accustom themselves to their new reality. Ryan knew how to shoot which came in handy. Mike taught Tess the basics in car maintenance some time ago, which helped them when walking became too exhausting and time consuming. They managed to hotwire a car after she couldn't convince Ryan to ride a bike with her. She had gotten her motorcycle license 6 months ago and Ryan thought it was funny to start calling her _Hells Angel_. The tough and gritty side of Tess was ready to make itself known but Ryan was too chicken. _God did she miss Mike_.

"Their farm is about 9 miles south of here a ways off the highway. From what we've seen so far, not much is touched a couple miles out from the major roads. Hopefully their place is the same. Seems like everyone left at the same time and jammed up the roads. Back roads and farms should be pretty quiet". Ryan folded up the map and switched with Tess to the drivers seat.

"We need to find a store on the way. Water's getting pretty low and we've been pushing it being without food for so long. You and I both know that's gonna get bad wicked soon" Tess was managing to keep her mind focused and off of Mike for at least part of the day. She had to. She was seeing how hard she was making it for Ryan, who had been nothing but amazing with her.

"You're such a masshole Cortez" Ryan elbowed her playfully as they made their way slowly towards the farm. Sometimes they even managed to smile here and there.

They found some food, water and even a couple knives at a local store. Unbelievable what things made them happy these days.

They slowly drove down the dirt road towards the farm. Didn't look like anyone had been on the path in some time. "Keep an eye out Tess"

"You too" Tess rolled her window down and looked towards the house in the distance. No one was there. Disappointment set in. Where were they?

"You sure they definitely built it in the back yard?" Tess questioned Ryan after they cleared the house and surrounding area.

"I didn't hear the end of it if I ever called to see how they were doing. I never saw it for myself but they mentioned how it blended in and all we'd find is a dirt covered handle sticking out from the shrubs in the b…" As he explained to Tess, he kicked something hard and they both looked down. It was the metal handle.

It was heavy and they both pulled it open. Tess got her gun ready in case anything jumped out. Nothing. "Well this is something alright" Tess smiled as Ryan grabbed his flashlight and slowly made his way down the steps.

Tess found a light switch and they finally saw what Ryan's cousins were so proud of. Had to be a room about 15x15 feet. Every wall was lined with cans, non-perishables and essential personal items. There was a bunk bed on the other side, a generator, and a table with chairs. Next to the bed was a large chest. Tess made her way over and opened it. It was full of rifles, handguns, knives and ammo. Flares, matches, lights were also in there.

"Holy shit. Ryan, your cousins are crazy!" Tess felt something she didn't know was still in her, joy.

They searched the area and house again but found nothing. There were no cars there either so maybe Ryan's cousins were caught off guard and were not home when everything went down. In any case, they finally had shelter…at least for a while. They parked the car behind the house and made themselves comfortable in the bunker. Tess figured if anyone came, they'd check the house and nothing else so they would stay in the bunker and only leave to use the bathroom. They would work out a better plan when they decided it was time to move north, if ever. Maybe all this would somehow end and the world could recover.

"Do you think this will ever get better?" Tess asked, not really expecting an answer.

"I feel like we should do something. Something to figure this plague out. Its bad but its got to be like every other disease we've managed to find a cure for. We should add notes to our journal more often. We don't want to miss anything that might be of use later on." Ryan sighed as he laid back in the bunk.

That itch was still there for the both of them. Luckily, they haven't treated so much as an occasional splinter or sore shoulder from aiming guns all the time. But they still had the need to do something; help in some kind of way. They didn't really run into anyone. They did the first week on the road but Tess and Ryan quickly learned that most people weren't to be trusted. They made it a point to avoid people before they tried to take advantage of them again. People were desperate. It's amazing what new circumstances do to people.

They managed to stay in the bunker with no problem for two long weeks. They tried to regain their strength, they worked out, discussed many new plans for when they had to move on, and even got to know each other better. Although Tess always considered Ryan a friend, work at the hospital left little time for personal conversations and her free time was spent with Mike. She was so grateful that she and Ryan worked so well together and got along even when there was nothing more to do than just hang out in the bunker.

"So you never thought about hooking up with anyone at the hospital? Not even once? God Ryan, even I thought about pulling Dr. Evans into a janitors closet and I had Mike. You really think I would believe that doing something with anyone didn't even cross your mind?" After exhausting every other convo, they reminisced about their time at Atlanta Medical. Tess knew she could be pretty boring but Ryan was painting himself to be so vanilla. She was surprised. He was a good looking guy. Tall, dark, handsome _and_ a doctor? He had to be hiding something. He didn't seem to mind her prodding too much.

"Maybe one or twice but nothing I really dwelled on. Does it even matter anymore? Tess, how did this topic even come up?" Ryan laughed and Tess couldn't help but giggle as she joined Ryan on his bunk. "Fine, but we will talk about this again soon. What else is there to do?" Tess noticed a little glimmer in his eyes when she asked him. He got closer and smirked. Then reached his hand down towards her feet like he was reaching for something. His hand went under the bed and he pulled out a dusty bottle of vodka.

"What the…"

"Found it yesterday when I took a look in the house again. Found it under a loose floor board" Ryan had a huge grin on his face. Tess didn't know whether to hug him or rip the bottle out of his had and take the first drink.

Drinking the liquor straight combined with an empty stomach got the both of them tipsy pretty quick. They probably only took about 4 shots each but Tess' stomach was already starting feel funny and her mouth was numb, a sure sign that she was in fact, drunk.

"I was going to marry that man one day. I'm sure he was gonna propose on our trip Ryan. Do you think I would be a good wife?"

"Tess, any man would be lucky to be with you. You are beautiful inside and out"

"Oooh you hitting on me Ryan? You're making me blush"

"I'm just being honest"

"Well then why haven't you made a move yet?" Tess knew it was the alcohol talking but somewhere in the back of her mind, she really wanted to know.

Ryan paused and grabbed the bottle from Tess. "I think you're done for the night. Getting a little too loosey goosey Tess"

"No really Ryan. Why are you being so good to me? I mean, of course I'm so grateful you've stuck it out with me. You're still letting me survive with you and I can never repay you for all you've done. But… tell me. What's up?" Tess felt him tense. He then sighed.

"I'm gay Tess"...Silence. Ryan was suddenly looking uncomfortable waiting for some kind of response.

"…so does that mean we…. can't make out?" Tess asked with a smirk. She was joking and Ryan was so relieved. Why did it matter either way? Tess was just trying to get him to open up. They had to be completely honest and comfortable with eachother, whether it was about trusting each other out there or just personal things. Ryan loved Tess for that; even if it was drunk Tess.

Tess got up to get ready for bed. This warm, fuzzy feeling she had would lull her to sleep quickly.

Then suddenly, they heard a faint but distinct popping sound.

"That sounded a lot like a gunshot" Tess turned to look at Ryan but he was already headed towards the door to take a look outside.


	3. Chapter 3

Ryan opened the bunker door just enough so he could get a quick look at where the sound was coming from. Suddenly, another gunshot pierced the air and Tess was immediately by his side.

"Shit". Tess knew that guns should only be used in an emergency. Anyone who lasted this long knew that too. The sound could attract walkers, a lot of them.

"We haven't seen anyone in weeks Ryan. Where do you think those shots are coming from? Maybe they're in trouble." Tess asked him nervously. Her instinct was to help but they were in way over their heads.

"Yeah well we haven't really tried to run into anyone since those men we saw weeks ago. Maybe some group set up camp nearby while we've been holed up in here. We have to just wait Tess. It's only two of us. I doubt we'd be able to do much". Ryan knew that if he let her, she'd probably go looking to see if anyone needed help regardless of the danger she'd be in. He had to worry about protecting the two of them first.

Ryan closed the door and locked it. Tess didn't know if it she was feeling dizzy from the alcohol or if it was panic steadily creeping its way in. Ryan sat next to her on the bed and she hooked her arm in his. All they could do was wait.

A few minutes went by and Tess got up to sit at the table. Then she heard it again. _No, that's not a popping sound._ This time, it was lower, and constant. "Do you hear that Ryan? It sounds like there's something right above us". The noise was getting louder and more distinct.

_Voices? But they didn't sound like people_…

The blood drained from Tess' face as realization set in. She gently unlocked and lifted the door a fraction of an inch. Her fears were confirmed. That noise they were hearing after the gunshots were coming from the dozens, no, hundreds of infected making their way across the fields behind the farm. Whoever shot that gun was in a lot of trouble.

Were_ they _even safe? It was all they had but maybe this bunker wasn't enough to protect them from what she was seeing. Tess had never witnessed anything like this in the past couple months. _Why were so many of these things walking together in a group?_ She then felt Ryan's hand wrap around her wrist to pull her back and close the door.

"We can't do anything but wait Tess" Ryan's voice was shaking, his eyes wide as he kept a hold on Tess. The sounds became louder and their moaning rolled over them like thunder.

Minutes felt like hours as they both stood by the door too scared to budge. Tess' mouth was dry and her hand was cold against Ryan's sweaty one.

Then they heard the faintest sound of gunshots over the moaning of the dead. They were distant and they wouldn't have noticed if they weren't so attune to what was happening outside. _There had to be a large group fighting these things. _But Tess knew it was a lost cause for them. They were as good as dead. There was no way they could protect themselves against so many of them.

The sounds rang constant for a while then died down almost all at once… then one last shot was heard. Tess let out a muffled cry for those she was sure met a painful and frightening end. The shuffling and moaning continued through the night.


	4. Chapter 4

The emergency room doors flew open as a team of EMS workers rushed the little boy into the trauma unit.

The car he was in had been in a head on collision with another driver who fell asleep at the wheel. His parents were killed instantly but the boy, who had been sitting in the backseat, was still alive… but just barely. He was covered in blood and shattered glass. He had a compound fracture of his left leg and his left arm hung awkwardly by his side. His face was beginning to swell and the lacerations on his scalp were the most concerning. He probably suffered head trauma and the risk of brain edema was very high. Tess needed to take care of him, now.

The nurses removed his clothing and started hooking him up to various machines. Tess prepared herself as she asked for her tools to intubate. His breathing was labored and it sounded like he had fluid in his lungs. This poor kid was in such bad shape and yet somehow he was still clinging on to life. Tess was going to do everything to save him; he was a fighter. She knew that kids always stood the best chance of surviving. They were so strong… but as she approached the boy, ready to intubate, the monitor started going off.

"He's in v-tach doctor!" the nurse yelled out.

_Shit._

Tess got the crash cart ready instead and prepared to shock him. The small lifeless body jolted up as the current ran through him. His heart didn't respond. She tried again and waited. She checked for a pulse, willing him to send her some kind of sign that he was still alive.

"Again! Lets shock him again". Tess yelled as he looked at the boy. But there was no response. Tess suddenly realized how quiet it had gotten except for the beeping monitor. She gazed around the room and turned to look behind her. Everyone was gone. _What happened_?

The monitor made even more erratic noises until he flat lined. That sound painfully rang in her ears. She threw the paddles down and started manual resuscitation. She couldn't think about anything around her; she had to focus on the boy…but nothing was working. She stopped just long enough to check for a pulse or breathing. Anything.

But there was nothing.

The blood was starting to trickle off the side of the stretcher. His skin, a ghostly pale color. _What the hell, how did this happen so fast? Where is everyone?_ The lump in her throat was so dry and she could feel the frustration welling up inside her. She turned around to look to see what happened.

Just then, a cool, wet hand grasped her wrist before she could walk away. Tess jumped and turned to see what it was. The boys distorted arm was now outstretched and his bloody hand was tightly squeezing her, not willing to let go. She tried tugging her hand away; the shock was too strong for her to react any further.

Then as she looked at the boy, stunned, a pair of heavy hands clasped her shoulders from behind and she tried to glance back. The room around her darkened and she heard the familiar sounds of growling and gnashing teeth. The hands grabbing her reeked of putrid meat. The skin was blackened and peeling. The bright white bone was exposed at the knuckles. She tried to scream but no noise came out. The boy was now sitting up; its face was no longer his. It was as rotted as the hands on her shoulders. She tried with all her strength to get away from them both and managed to fall towards a corner of the room. It was the first chance she got at seeing what was behind her.

Her heart sank.

_Michael_.

Somehow, through the dead flesh and blood, she recognized the outline of his face. The face that always looked so comforting and calm when she would wake up beside him in the mornings. His hazel eyes were glazed over and his jaw was now crooked as he bared his teeth. He made his way over to her as more decaying figures entered the room. She curled into herself, accepting what was about to happen…as if it was what she deserved.

_I waited for you but you never came! Why didn't you keep your promise? How was I supposed to do this without you? I'm sorry… I'm so so sorry…_

Tears streamed down her face. She was crying; she could feel it. Michael closed in on her and she shut her eyes.

The screaming made Tess open her eyes again. She was the one yelling. She sat up, no longer feeling the cold, hard ground underneath her. Instead, she felt the soft and forgiving mattress she was currently on. She was in the bunker, alone.

Tess tried to steady her breath. Just a moment ago, she was trying to make some kind of peace with her inevitable end. Michael and all the other infected in the ER were coming right at her.

_It was a dream_.

Sweat covered her body and she was feeling constricted under the layers of clothes she was wearing. She quickly took off her sweater and boots. She stood up and walked up to the small mirror hanging on the wall. Tess wanted to make sure she wasn't rotted like those things.

All she saw was her exhausted pale face and messy brown hair.

Her heart was making its way down to a more even and relaxed pace. She placed her hands on either side of the mirror to steady herself. She was really breaking down… again.

She was glad Ryan wasn't around to see her wake up like that. Maybe he finally had enough of her and left… but more than likely, he was just out using the bathroom or something.

Tess allowed herself to take one last glance in the mirror before taking a seat. That's when she noticed something on her skin.

It looked like her shoulders were slightly bruised. She placed a hand on it and it surprised her to feel how hot it was. Bruises weren't supposed to feel like that. How could she have gotten that? Something didn't feel right.

Just then, Ryan came in.

"Didn't want to wake you. You seemed pretty exhausted"

"Yeah…thanks. Everything alright out there?" Tess tried not to sound too nervous.

"Just the usual" Ryan put his gun down next to the bunker door and walked over sit at the table.

Ever since that awful night almost a month back, when all those infected came through and very likely killed the people shooting at them, there seemed to be a steady amount coming through every day. It was nowhere near the amount from that night but it was enough to make Tess and Ryan too uncomfortable to leave. They could kill enough so that they could make it to the house and back safely, but what if they ran into a larger herd when they were without cover? What if those things found a way into the bunker? Tess and Ryan decided it would be best to make their way back north and maybe eventually DC. The isolation was getting to them… they had to leave as soon as they could. If the infected came less frequently or in smaller numbers, maybe they'd find a way to leave in their truck and head north. Although they were still weary of trusting anyone, maybe they'd find a group they could watch first and if they seemed ok enough, join them. Eventually, their safety might depend on numbers and if the loneliness wasn't going to kill them, the lack of manpower would.

…And in the back of her mind, Tess always hoped they might find Michael. Tess never really brought up the topic because it was too painful to vocalize but there wasn't a moment he didn't think of him. Her dreams about him were also becoming more frequent and more disturbing. This was the first time she dreamt about him as one of them. It left her with an ache in her stomach…like it meant something more than just a dream.

She could still feel the odd warmth on her shoulders as she tried to go to sleep that evening.

Ryan sensed something was off when he returned earlier but he didn't bring it up. He had heard her talking in her sleep before. He figured he was probably doing the same thing when he slept. Tess would bring it up if she wanted to talk about it.

Tess couldn't get her mind to calm down enough to sleep. She had to get what was bothering her off of her chest even if it sounded completely insane. Her heart knew the truth. She wanted to ignore it but something about how much it had been invading her thoughts lately just pushed her even more to say something. It was what she had to do…for her sanity.

"Ryan"

"mhm"

"When you were gone, I had a nightmare"

Tess could hear him moving in his bed. "What about"

"…._him…"_

It was quiet for a moment. "Are you ok?"

"…I..I don't think he is….. I know I can't prove it…but…something in my gut tells me I need to believe this.."

"what?" Ryan got up and turned the light on. Tess was already sitting up in her bed and he came over and sat with her. He placed a hand on hers, which was tightly holding the sheets under her. She relaxed slightly and looked at him, tears threatening to fall.

"He's gone. _Michael's _gone. I don't think he always was but I think he is now. Recently I've been feeling like something bad happened…my heart is telling me it".

Silence filled the room

Ryan let out a sigh. "…are you sure Tess?"

She tightened her hold on his hand

"I could never begin to tell you how grateful I am to have you in my life Ryan. You're the reason I'm still here. I've been such an idiot and clearly not cut out for how life is now but because of you, I made it. You've been the one to push me ahead…you've kept me going even when I was tripping over my own feet…. but Michael…he was like that light shining at the end of it all for me. The thought of him being out there gave me some kind of direction through this mess. Finding him was something I believed I might be able to do right for once…But now… that light is gone. I don't know if it would be fair to you to keep pushing me ahead. I feel lost without him. We never had that chance to say goodbye one last time and I don't know if I'll ever get over that".

"You don't know that. He could still be out there like we are"

"I just know. He's gone" Tess voice was trembling now. She couldn't hold it in much longer.

Ryan got up from the bed and knelt down in front of Tess. He took her hands in his and looked straight into her eyes. "You're not Tess. We're not. We're still making it. I'm not leaving you and you're staying with me whether you like it or not. You've kept me alive too you know… You need to believe in yourself. Michael would want you to do that".

Tess smiled at that. _He would. I just don't know if I'm strong enough… _

"You're a strong woman Tess. Don't doubt that for a moment. I can't begin to count how many lives you have saved in the time I've known you…yeah sure, now we have to be physically strong as well but mentally, I know you've got that and if anything, that's what matters most. We may be surviving, but as long as we're together, I know we're going to _live_".

Tess smiled although tears were streaming down her face. She needed to hear that. It didn't change how she felt about Michael possibly being dead but it was some kind of step forward and she felt like there might still be a chance that she'd get through this, with Ryan by her side…

They figured out a plan to head back north. It seemed safe enough to stay in the bunker but they both knew no place would remain that way. They had a car and fuel and they picked out the essential supplies they'd need from the bunker. They had more weapons then they could carry but they'd take all they could. The infected herds that made their way over the property in the last weeks/months were heading southeast so hopefully, the numbers would be less heading in the opposite direction.

It was nice to finally move on. Not that bad memories could be avoided but, leaving that place was like putting the past events to rest. It could be an attempt at another new start.


End file.
